The Odd One Out

This is an article written by my daughter when she was in Form 4 at SMK King George V, Seremban. She contributed the article for her school magazine. I retyped the article, without her knowing it, for I feel it was splendidly written and worth sharing with. Enjoy.
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I used to like school when I was younger. I loved having my parents send me to school every morning. How excited I felt whenever it was lunch time. I even remembered all the pranks my classmates and I pulled on our teachers. I guess when you were young and innocent, school seemed fun because it would mean you didn’t have to be stuck at home playing video games with your younger siblings. Now, I dreaded going to school.

My school days didn’t seem to be as fun as they used to be. I found myself hiding away from everyone thinking they wouldn’t want a person like me to be their friend. Group work was the worst. Somehow to me, those in my group did not like me to be in theirs. So I always kept quiet and ended up feeling sad for not particiapting. I kept quiet because I was scared that if I voiced my opinion, people would think it was stupid and hilarious. Maybe it was just me who felt this way but who could tell?

There were a lot of strange people out there within the school environment. Frankly, I did not think of myself as one but sometimes I could not help but wonder why of all people, God picked me. Being extremely shy, I could not remember the last time I went out with my friends to watch a movie. Come to think of it, I had never gone with my friends to watch movies. I had always felt uncomfortable alone since that was the kind of environment I grew up in.

Being a shy person made me a loner. Which was what I considered myself was. I went teverywhere alone whether it was to the canteen, the toilet, the laboratory or to the assembly ground. Some might think it was odd, but to me it was natural. But as a ‘normal’ human being,I became envious whenever I saw a group of friends walking, talking and laughing. So I decided to form a group of my own, for only the shy people.
As it turned out, no one in my school was as shy like me. Well, not shy exactly but a little scared to communicate with others. I had met a few though who were at a loss for words as I was when meeting somebody. When I talked to them, I felt a special bond among us. Robably because I felt at ease when talking to someone who had the same problem as I did. Surprise! They were normal too.

Shy people like us felt ashamed of ourselves because we could not seem to blend in with the people around us. All we could do was blend in with the wallpaper at parties if we ever got invited to one.
Feeling sorry for ourselves was our daily routine. Mine anyway. Everytime I came home from school I always asked myself why didn’t I do anything to change myself? It was not easy.

Being the odd one out in almost everything I did or participated gave me a clue as to how sad and lonely it felt to be one. Sometimes, when I came to school, I felt invisible. I tried being pleasant and friendly, but no one seemed to notice. I bet no one in my class knew me.

The reason for writing this is because I feel the need for all of us to appreciate everyone’s existence. Who wouldn’t want to be acknowledged? Some of them only remember others when they are in need of help. They take things for granted like for instance borrowing stationary items or money. There are people around us who are never never considered anything but a spare part. Just call us when you don’t have anyone else. That’s a little harsh but that’s how I feel.

Maybe when one grows up to be more mature and ‘adult’ it is ‘cool’ to be friends with those who remain ordinary boring or normal. Maybe in order to be accepted in the ‘cool’ crowd one needs to be popular, or own at least three pairs of tight fitting jeans, listen to ‘hip’ music, speak a different linguo, and ‘hang out’ in places that are trendy.

Right now I’m trying my best to be friends with everybody even if they don’t like me. Sooner or later, there will be shy people around and no one feels left out anymore. I really think that it is important to make others feel needed so that they have a sense of belonging.

Never let anybody feel that he is the odd one out because it will only make one feel ashamed of one’s existence and sorry for oneself. Do you want to know how I feel being left out? Well, it’s like ‘You don’t stand out and yet you don’t fit in! Maybe someday others would understand.


... Nurhafiza (2001)